And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
