Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
