she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no, he came in my armpit
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
