possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
