Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
