We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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