i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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