i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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