you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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