I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
