the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
