what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
how drunk are you?
Several
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
