What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
