Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
