its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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