this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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