Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
