I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
someone owes me an orgasm
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize