we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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