the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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