I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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