Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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