recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
