you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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