i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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