too bad you live with your parents still
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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