you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
