worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
