I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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