My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
