Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
