she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
