currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
