Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
