The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My penis needs a shock collar
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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