Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
