Swine flu. Run for my life!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
