he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
