my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The adults are the big ones right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
