I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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