I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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