the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
