Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
