just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
