if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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