Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
