maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
