is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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