I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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