I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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