We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
