i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
