I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
