it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
