just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
