she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
