Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
