bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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