If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
