Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
