i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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