There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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