soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
