Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
