you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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