I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
