is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
