so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
