The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
farters have to be the big spoon...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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