its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
