i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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