also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize