i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
