I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
True but thats because hes a fetus.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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