can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
