The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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