Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
