I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
