when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
