3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
