we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
