I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
