im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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