am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
