Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
