What did we do last night that was yellow?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
