i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
