there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
